The Lord of the Rings and a mended broken heart

"Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo? It'll be spring soon."

Every morning, before it all starts... I take at least 20 minutes to sit in quiet and pull together my thoughts, goals, aspirations and feelings for the day. On most days, I read a very quick snip of a dev, or a passage from a beloved author, or a poem and reflect on the morning drive to work. I always pull something to stand on, to build on. This morning, to OUT my inner geek, I picked up a commentary based on the Lord of the Rings. If you know me, you know I watch this series regularly, re-read the series every summer by the beach, and wow... do I constantly make references to this story!?! I just love it. It's one of the greats and it has friendship and love and battles and victory and defeat and elves... and mystical sides and little hobbits... I always like how the littlest and gentlest of creatures with much bravery saved middle earth... sort of makes me want to always stay little and gentle and brave.
For the last week and a half, I have had a broken heart. I won't get into the details of the break, but broken for sure...
I knew I needed some rest and take a much needed vacation... but that didn't go over as a vacation,it actually took any small amount of energy I barely had from the last 3 taxing years. It had been at least 5 years, since I took a just for me, unplug vacation... that didn't happen.. .maybe I can try again in another 5 years...

Before the marathon with my mother really picked up, I had set this time to rest, that was more than needed. When it is something, like what she is dealing with, it is a long run, not a quick finish. I was pretty much screwed by not getting the rest.... on this vacation... because I needed to be well to be present...

I came home with a fresh broken heart and she nose dived, metaphorically. All sorts of things were breaking in her, literally and I was broken hearted, hard combo.

I had no other option, but to turn to my friends. I was exhausted. I was thirsty. I was hungry. I was sad. I literally didn't know if I had the strength too or could finish the race ahead of me.

One week, things changed with my mom. One week, it became a sprint section of the marathon and I was literally, jet lagged and exhausted. . . in more ways than physical.

My dad kept telling me both my legs were metaphorically broken the whole way home from the airport, and then kept saying, "it's not how you broke them, it's how you re-set them and play again. It will take courage to get back up but you can do it. People will see you running in from Left Field after breaking both your legs and be blown away you got back up after that. Re-set the leg and take the lesson learned. You are actually in the best place I have ever seen you in, because you lost something of great value to you, here is your chance. Sometimes you have to lose something of value to realize what you have to do..." he spoke to me about the thorn in the side of the Apostle Paul and how sometimes the thing we want the most we can't do.... yikes...

one week, after all the sam wise the braves came along side of me. the support was ridiculous. it came from every single angle. best friends, yoga teachers, family, friends, co-workers, people I didn't even know, noticed me... just came around me in such love. such support. such compassion. literally they carried me, fed me. held me. hugged me. sent me cards, emails, text messages, voice mails. . . the love was humbling. the support was beautiful. I of course, have to sit in the pain and move past it, and that was my own shadow, trust me, i am not John Wayne(ing) this experience, I am just noting... i healed quickly through the love of my friends, family, neighbors and communities. my support system was already in place and I didn't even realize how solid it is...
I know when my mom does pass, these sam wise the braves are right there, and they have been there all along... what a gift.
this morning, I looked at Sam and Frodo, to build.

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

This passage this morning reminded me. I am holding on to the same thing..."I remember the taste of strawberries, in the spring... I am beginning to see the shire and I know how the orchards will be in blossom and the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket...."

Thank you, to all my sam wise the braves, I got the message. . .