The Epiphany brought to you by the Rain & The band Arcade Fire & a best friend.

amazingly that delicate combo of the rain, a best friend and the suburbs album by arcade fire nutured an environment for my epiphany. It was simple. It wasn't one of my huge ones where I give everything I have to the poor- or take in the sick and feed them- or any of those social responsibility types. It wasn't my typical- how to have to much fun and learn new hobbies like fly fishing. It wasn't my let's snowboard off my roof routine (happens every 1st snow storm) or my save water and sponsor a well in south africa idea.

My best friend said to me "you have a hard time being mean back even when someone is delibrately being mean to you." (I am not talking about wise cracks or things that are absolutely hilarious and teasing) no one has ever said that to me. When I get pushed to the limit I get mad- but it takes maybe 20 or so mean acts on the other persons side for me to even show an ounce of anger.... and I usually don't get angry until a week or so later once it hits me- I stay in the kindness zone- almost always. Unless of course my life is in danger- then it pops right off and most of you wouldn't even reconize me.

Last night I decided it was a high complimient that when people are mean to me and I don't react the same. I love that I don't treat people bad- that I treat others with kindness even when they are being gross. SO what was the epiphany? The moment of great or sudden revelation????

It is real. You can be kind in a world crawling with cowards and when hate is being thrown at you.
What else is real, last night I decided even though I am a little too sweet - and I know this- and so does everyone else who is in my inner circle- I will not be a doormat any longer or taken advantage of. When I awoke this morning- I put on my big girl panties- tied a ribbon on my finger to remind me-

and now for day two of skinny biatch.... let's go. life is short get right at it.

Day ONE of the Skinny Biatch Diet

day one- day one- how I hate thee.

So, I don't need to technically do this skinny biatch diet. But I like it because it challenges me and insults me at the same time. The authors call you names like moron and then other choice words and it makes you want to beat them by accomplishing it.

It's the classic you can't do this... so you try with all your might to do it.

Basically the Skinny Biatch diet is vegan. As a steak, chicken and Fish lover I find this intresting. I grew up on a farm and I remember not being tall enough to brush my own teeth and learning that animals scream before being slaughtered. My DAD who is amazing, decided that his family would eat (for a season of our lives) off his farm which was green before green became cool and was holistic before it became obvious that is what is needed for balance.

I literally have memories of seeing baby goats get born, homeless people clothed and fed and ready... eating my pet pig for breakfast. So, in and around being a vegatarian and vegan i have feelings. needless to say the information in this book is compelling and horrible, truth and just not what you want to hear. It is almost as bad as when I found out the main ingredient in my beloved corn chowder was whispers...cellulite.

Day One- I felt scared about eating so many carbs. What do these fools mean I can eat as much bread as I want?

I really wanted bacon when I woke up. I think it is because these FOOLS told me not to have it.

After my morning yoga- I made jokes about the pig being a magicial tasty animal that i wanted to eat, NOW.

I skipped sugar in my coffee- stupid rules and I ate some poweder nonsense that didn't resemble the old school one and one I got addicted to being a new englander.

screw slendaaaaaaarrr... it makes me feel fake. I would rather have the breathe of an 80 year old man in the country that try the fake sugar.

This is how my day went. I am not hungry on this diet. I feel like some kind of mad nomad running around eating grains, vegtables and dirt.

If I gain weight from the carbs, I might get a pet pig and name him some sort of name that shows adoration towards tasty meats that keep you skinny.

Little best selling diet and skinny biatch book, please don't disaapoinment me. I don't feel any skinnier....

please don't sit on a web of lies... skinny biatch authors.

I wonder if I sneak in some of my cupcakes what will happen?

the book skinny BIATCH

One of the wishes my mom has is that I start blogging and publishing and sharing my words. I have been slack-a-lacking... and I like it.

Let's talk about the Book "skinny B*&%^" that i am reading.

Who can recover from that kind of brutal honesty? I mean is this real? Why do we walk so blindly? Why do I even think what I think. If you read this book you mine as well kiss any cultural norms you learned and desire for much of anything that closely resembles food right out the window. Can you handle the truth?

I mean when someone says to me "stop being a moron and get skinny" i feel the need to react-

I also like the in your face approach- to move it along-

I think I will blog- as I am moving threw this book and diet and what kind of meals I can come up with and all that I am facing.
Maybe I will figure out a way to sneak in martinis.

Maybe some of you fools can join me? I blame my curiosity and need to read for this new endeavor. Darn over active mind.

I would like to add- I make tons of cupcakes all the time- and one of the chapters says sugar is the Devil. I am not 110 on board with anything- I just like little adventures and challenges along the way...

The Christina Project-

It has been a long time coming. The reason why I am stepping out and sharing my writing is because my mother has asked me to publish. I am freaking out in the good WAY.

I have had people looking into my journals. asking me for dialogue, vision translation of the madness.
Its intense. I have had to be numb at moments- when certain topics come up.

I dance around on the line of running from this, but being a coward is not in my DNA.
My voice is getting so strong- It is almost uncomfortable for me, it's so bold.

I could take down an army of skeptics with one line and here it is:
"you made me walk naked for a day. I will make you walk naked for an eternity"

It's here MOM, It's here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1


stand down.

Christina

how to get out of a bad date ....

Ever been there?

1. the best line is "it's not you it's me" they usually laugh but then get concerned about what that might mean (this is your out)
2. text at dinner.
3. snort when you laugh
4. go to the bathroom a ridiculous amount
5. tell them you still see your ex and he or she is "just a friend" (everyone thinks of that song and gets the hidden message. works everytime, hands down.
6. this one works every single time as well " i am not in a place where i can make any commitmients at this point in time. "
7. wear a helmet on the date.
8. causally mention that you already bought a wedding dress.
9. order whiskey on the rocks
10. fist pump at the table when a good song comes on.

say yes when others say no

2009 almost killed me. 2010 is starting off with my mother's life being saved by her doctor who refused to give up on her. about a year ago the scarano family was told that a time frame for our queen was the diagnosis. instead of taking this, she began to fight. she took all the medicine she needed, she started following her doctor's orders and began a journey that most would of thrown the towel in. after six months of overcoming she went in for a scheduled open heart surgery and the team told us, she was "too risky" "too far gone" and that maybe we could use her in an experimential surgery. THIS was TOO much for the baby of six. something in me started to ache and every day i felt the un-consolable grief of the thought of my reality. i watched my parent's spend time praying and discussing matters too heavy at times for me even to hear. i began to have conversations with my mom that shadowed a daughter and mother saying goodbye. We began to recap our adventures and my mom finally asked me the question. She stated it this way to me " christina darling: tell me about what your life will be like when i am gone, tell me what adventures you will go on?" i remember as we drove home from tjmaxx and she asked me such a profound question it took everything in me not to completely lose my composure. i began to tell her about my dream of making people happy with cupcakes,my desire to salsa dance again on the island of mykonos in the salsa club. (greeks give a new fire to salsa btw) that i would finally publish the book i have worked 7 years on, that i would of course design, paint, create and love. i told her at some point surrender to a lover, i promised her i wouldn't get back with ANY of my ex 's and i would wait for someone who had peices of joe and dad and mark and tommy (brothers).... we talked about what to do with her poetry, what places i would travel too, what dreams i had for my life, how i would reach them... we set a plan...
on thursday of this past week, my mom went back in to test.
they saw the risk decrease.
we had to deal with the reality that she may not survive.
...
when talking to her doctor he said that everyone was amazed at how far she had come and how hard she worked to be strong.
the best heart doctor in the country performed her surgery. he was on channel five this week even discussing how he was the 1st doctor in america to put a mechanical heart into a patient.
My mom, thru prayer and mercy survived. she had her heart taken out of her body and had a cow valve added. Thank you little cow.
her body accepted the *adapted* restructured heart*
then she was strong enough to come off the breathing machine and life support...
and then after that... she got on her feet and walked.
today marks a new day.
My mom has a spirit and a strength like no other.
when talking to her doctor... my dad said to him that he was extradionary.
he said "no, he just says yes when others say no"

if anyone is thinking no tonight, i want to encourage you to say yes even when others say no.
we underestimate the power of the human spirit all the time. this man is extradionary and because he did not give up on my mom... she is here today. a walking miracle.

words could never express my thankfulness for all the prayers the love and the support. i am overwhelmed by the kindness that has been extended.

To the team at Mass General Hospital, thank you for saying yes, when all others said no....
I want to thank God for being kind to my family and allowing us more time with our Queen.

Muppet Cupcakes

the cupcakes are about to go national....

all my friends all over .. the time is near.

www.muppetcupcakes.com

yay!