Why Wakefield heard my rendie of Adele, someone like you this morn

For the last two days, i have felt like my communication style is that of a fountain that won't flow right. you know the sad ones your try to throw your penny in and you almost can't make a wish because it is so pathetic? like the wish won't count because it's not a real fountain. almost like a lost puppy. every single time i have tried to communicate what is going on...on the inside for the last couple days i have looked alot like that sad little fountain. on sunday, i was quiet after a hot yoga pratice and every fight i ever had with my mom crossed my memory. every mean word, every dirty look, every slammed door, every fight on christmas, every heart ache, every... every single time one of us hung up on one another. every time i got hurt. everytime i hurt her. so this has clearly made me a little wild for the last two days. of course all the questions start. did i break her heart? why did she hurt me?was i a bad daughter? why was i not mature enough to always love her? why did i have to have my teenage years? i wish i could of taken back every single thing that i said, that may of hurt her. why did she hurt me? why did we fight? why? why AM i watching her suffer and all i can do is cry because i might of sucked as a daughter?
i know i didn't. i know we loved each other too much. i know we were just walking thru broken places to get to whole places. i know we were just human. i know all of this, but my heart hurts. i am over here taking off the metaphorical armor and trying to put it back on, and i am trying to protect my mom and protect my heart and make it thru this with a level of decency and grace. i got so mad and humbled by accountability yesterday, because every single mean thing i ever said to my mom flooded my memory. LOOK, i am not focusing on the negative, i am just being honest. EVERY mean thing she said seemed so small, when i looked in the mirror at my own words. regardless i called kim and cried as per usual. called my sister and told her and she of course made an epic comment about letting these walls come down. then of course there was that call i made, there is always that moment. like when sam wise carries frodo to mordor...the part of the journey that was a touch sloppy but what he said was this 'don't protect your mom because she is sick' and at the moment i knew i had a hard conversation ahead of me with my mom.

i got all the answers. what blew me AWAY was the sincere response of my mom. she doesn't even realize how special she is to me. i would give her my LUNGS if it would heal her. i would carry her on my back for the rest of my life, if i could sustain her. i really would.

i was coming down with a cold, my throat was sore. i have been tea' drinkin' for two days. after the conversation, i went to bed. i woke up this morning. my throat felt amazing. like honey covered it. like i spent the day at the beach and just had my first glass of water, after taking a nap on the beach, good.

i got in the shower, and i sang Adele's Someone like you to my MOM. (not a GUY) I knew I had over come. I knew i needed to raise my voice.

i kid you not, i googled, throat chakra healing today. one of my yogi teachers told me to google it on sunday, i never know what these little epic creatures are up too but when they say things to me, i listen. i found the throat chakra snipped above.